THE 411 ON TEEN DATING ABUSE

February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention & Awareness month.  We recently spoke with Melissa Ruth from the Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence to get more clarity on the issue, its trends and statistics and what steps parents can take when dealing with it. 

Let's start with the statistics: 

• 81% of parents do not think teen dating abuse is an issue
  

• Less than 25% say they've talked about it with their kids
  

• 72% of middle school kids are dating...and the parents don't know it
  

• According to a 2011 Idaho Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 8.7% of Idaho high-school students report being hit, slapped or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past 12 months
  

• And on a national level, 20% of 11 to 14-year-olds experience dating abuse

These statistics emphasize how important it is that we broaden our perspectives on teen dating and our own communication patterns.  Teens are dating, period.  They are dating in their own modern way.  They call it "hanging out," and it usually takes the form of group activities, such as ball games with several friends, study sessions, etc.  Although it's not the typical one-on-one trip to the movies, it's still dating as they are in the beginning phase of working on their relationship skills, and the risk of experiencing teen dating abuse is there.  It can lead to lower levels of academic performance in school, having sex too early, teen pregnancy, drug/alcohol usage and the inability to recognize unhealthy relationships in the future as they reach adulthood.

Communication - yes, it's a challenging thing, especially with teenagers, but it is the most important tool in teen dating abuse prevention.  Overall, parents say they are talking to their kids, but the kids are saying they are not.  This probably means that parents are not talking about the important stuff and asking the important questions.  While curfew, homework, responsibility and drug/alcohol abuse are valid topics, relationship conversations HAVE TO HAPPEN.  And the sooner they do, the better.  Parents should be talking to their kids about healthy relationships in the early years before they hit their teen years and the real dating begins. Help them start strong by engaging them in conversation about the 8 characteristics of a healthy relationship:

1. Respect
   
2. Safety
   
3. Support
   
4. Individuality
   
5. Fairness and Equality
   
6. Acceptance
   
7. Honesty and Trust
   
8. Communication

Melissa also shared these helpful tips for all you parents reading this:

If you are awkward when communicating about relationships, your teen will be awkward. But the more you talk with your teen above every day stuff and the issues that matter to them, the more comfortable the bigger talks will be.

Instead of having THE dreaded "talk", engage in a number of talks about the human body, respect, love, etc. possibly starting as early as six years old. 

Be aware of the times we are in now.  Kids are dealing with a lot more than what you had to growing up as far as communication goes.  The nasty rumor mill has many more gossip channels.  There's email, social media sites, cell phones, and much more.  The digital world we live in is a risky one when it comes to teen relationships.

Always remember: Prevention is the best medicine!

RESOURCES:

If you believe your teen is currently in an abusive relationship, call one of the following for help:

WCA Hotline: (208) 343-7025

National Teen Dating Violence Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

Talking to school counselors can be helpful as well, as they are surrounded by teenage relationships every day!

To learn more and to see this issue from a teen perspective, visit:

Love What's Real (for older teens)

Start Strong Idaho (for middle school teens)

Parent-teen connection on Facebook

POSITIVE LOVE IS THE GARDEN OF GROWTH
 By Christina King, Court Advocate Manager

Valentine's Day is not just for couples.  It is also a day to celebrate gratitude and respect.  It is a time to recognize positive love and educate about healthy relationships.  For many clients of the WCA, Valentine's Day is a difficult and even dreaded day, as it can be a reminder of the pain caused by someone they love.  Nevertheless, those who have endured abuse do learn to trust and love again, starting first and foremost with themselves.  The WCA strives to provide an environment to foster this development.

Despite length of time involved and challenges that interrupt this process, the WCA is abounding with testaments of positive love.  There are the many clients participating in programs that focus on personal growth and self-respect.  There are the two mothers who recently gave birth, each seen gazing into the eyes of her newborn, responding to the coos and cries, and building that intimate love between mother and child.  There are the friendships building amongst the residents, as they take turns cooking family-style meals, covering chores during respite, and sharing the responsibilities of the many children also living in the shelter.  There are the children in daycare, learning to take turns, receive praise, and being allowed to just be children at play.  There is the gracious community, or "angels" as we call them, donating time, funding, goods, and much appreciated support.  And finally, there is the staff.  We work as a team to create supportive and dynamic client-centered services and dedicating expertise and passion to the empowerment of others.

Valentine's Day is not just for couples.  The people involved with the WCA recognize and exemplify this each and every day.